Mother’s Day, Reclaimed
Mother’s Day is a complicated day for me—and I know I’m not alone in that.
For those who don’t know me personally, I had a traumatic childhood that led me to go no contact with all of my parents in my early 20s. While I’ve dedicated myself to healing through therapy and reparenting practices, there are still a few dates each year that feel heavy.
For many years, Mother’s Day was a reminder of what I didn’t have. Seeing friends' post tributes to their moms online often left me feeling depressed, bitter, angry, and lost. Then I’d judge myself for letting someone continue to have that kind of hold over me. Over time, I’ve come to accept that allowing myself to feel those emotions is an essential part of healing. And more than that, I’ve been lucky enough to collect many mothers over the years, and I now dedicate this special day to them.
In my work, I’ve had the privilege of supporting mothers of newborns, toddlers, preteens, children with disabilities, and more. I’ve also been incredibly lucky that many of the mothers I’ve worked with have become so much more than former clients. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the kind support, encouragement, and practical wisdom of the moms I’ve met through nannying and postpartum doula work.
Relationships like those have been deeply healing, allowing me to open my heart to a patchwork quilt of mothers. My sister-in-law has selflessly supported me, encouraged me to take risks, and stood by me through some of my darkest times. My partner’s mom has made a space for me in the family where I’m accepted exactly as I am. My best friend has flown across the country just to cheer me up.
If this holiday is complicated for you as well, I hope you give yourself space to honor your feelings. And when you are ready I hope you are able to look around at the love that surrounds you. I know that when I take stock, I realize I have more love and support from “mothers” than I ever could have imagined. So today, I want to say: Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms who have been a part of my life—I love you.
